I've Had The Time of My Life...in Pictures!

Here are some captivating photos from the once in a lifetime experience that was Dirty Dancing the Stage Musical. Tee hee.


Tristan, Me, Cassie and Molly in the glorious lobby. Aren't we chic?

So Dirty. And Dancy. Dirty Dancy.

The Shelldrake Hotel proudly presents: The Rumba!

This is your dance space, this is mine. Lets dance Molly.

Oh what a night. A horribly, wonderful, bizarre night.

Thank you for enjoying it with me.

Oh Sweet God...Sweet Sweet God.

So I'll keep this short and sweet...

I attended the Chicago premiere of Dirty Dancing the stage show last night. Long story short, I got my friends Tristan and Molly two tickets each to see the show for their birthday. I was not assuming that I would be attending the event when I purchased them, but they were both nice enough to ask me to join, and who am I to say no. Part of me was very excited to see an iconic 80's kitschy movie turned into a Musical...since I am attempting that very thing right now.

Lets just say this exceeded expectations...or did it?

Dear reader, I can not begin to explain what it is I saw on stage last night. My mind is completely reeling from the proposterousness and bizarre spectacle that presented itself on stage last night.

First off I feel its only right to warn perspective attendees to this performance, that Dirty Dancing is in fact not a musical. It is the movie, retold word for word on stage, with bizarre additional scenes, and pre-recorded "oldies" from the film played over top. There are maybe 4 live performances by singers, including "We Shall Overcome" and thankfully "Time of My Life"...and the other thing to note is that not a single main character sings other than Baby's sister...the rest of the singing is apparently handled by a maid or two, and Johnny's cousin.

BAFFLING!!

There are also additional scenes that cover things like the resort owner's grandson Neil, running off with the busboys to become a Freedom Rider. There is also a scene with Baby's Mom and Penny the Preggo Dancer. And a stirring monologue from Baby at the end about how society will never let her and Johnny's love be.

WHAT THE FUCK IS GOING ON!!!?

I kid you not that by the intermission, Tristan was laughing so hard she was crying....something I have only seen one other time (the other time was when she saw the preview for Beverly Hills Chihuahua). We were so puzzled as to what was happening on stage, and so perplexed at the audience reactions to things that we were all tickled to death.

Be sure to ask one of us about how they did the scene where Johnny teaches Baby how to do the Lift in the lake. OMG OMG OMG! Funniest thing I have ever seen in my entire life.

The whole thing was a completely surreal experience, only made more frustrating by the point that it felt like they originally intended for it to be a legitimate musical, but then decided to just play canned music instead. There were moments where the orchestra would swell up and it sounded like a song was about to happen and then ....nothing!

And the set!

Goodness. They spent a kajillion bucks on the most ridiculous set known to man. It had hydraulics, it had stairs, it had circles that would pop up randomly, it had a spinning center piece that every goddamned character walked on to indicate "movement through camp", it had every set piece known to man including a swimming pool ladder and deck chairs for that all too pivotal pool scene. What pool scene you ask? Oh the pool scene where Neil confronts the busboys about swimming in the perfectly chlorinated Kellerman's Pool. Yes that bonus scene! Again please ask someone about the "lift in the lake" scene.

In short, I have seen a lot of theater and Broadway musicals, and this was by far the most confusing, bizarre, surrealistic, unexplainable experience I have ever had. I have never laughed harder or seen so many Cougars in one place in my life.

I truly did have the time of my life.

Dance with me?

Improv and Me

So this blog was originally supposed to be about my life as an improviser and producer of said improv, but it has become just a generic depository of thought, which is fine. But I still intend to pepper it with my sage improv wisdom!

So what do I have going on right now? Kind of a lot...which is good for me.

On the pH front I am still artistic directing away. I miss Micah, but Tristan is a fantastic AD so the transition has been seamless and great. Guy and I were joking the other night about how I should be the Marketing Director, and I jokingly said that's the way it was supposed to be. Way back in the beginning when Christian, Kristine, Micah, Jeff and I sat down to form pH we all were tossing around who would do what...Jeff assumed since he had a Business degree from Notre Dame he would be the Business Manager, I assumed since I was in advertising that I would be the Marketing guy, and since Christian and Kristine were teachers before and Christian had a degree in Theater from Northwestern that they would be the Co-AD's. Micah was always going to be the PR guy - the cool hand. Somehow though after much discussion it was decided that I would be the Co-AD with Kristine, and that Christian would be the Business Manager and Jeff would be Marketing. Magical. Going into our seventh season I am still mystified how I ended up here, but am glad I took the opportunity. I think some good came of it.

I am probably having the best time I've had in a long time in pH shows. pHrenzy is so much fun to me still, and I keep learning new things everytime I play in that show. I love the freedom and the confidence you need for that show. I have really stopped second guessing my choices and am just playing and its been super super fun. Even with a tore up leg! I continually get nervous about pHamily the Musical but I feel like its getting better too. The cast is more consistently the same people so there is some fun group mindy chemistry starting to happen. We had a fantastic 4 person show the other week with just Tristan, Rasheeda, Elise and myself and it was lovely. That show continues to be my favorite to do right now and is a constant challenge, I love it.

Also on the pH front, with the launch of the Sketch program, people are coming out of the woodwork slowly to write shows and such, which is very exciting. One such show is Rubbed, a show about a working class stiff who is down on his luck, and the genie that helps him see the light. You read that right. And I am pumped to be playing the genie!! I am also playing one other smaller part that is pretty fun for me to do, but you'll have to come see it to figure that out. Needless to say I am in ridiculous costumes the whole show. Oh and did I mention its a musical? Wonderful! I am also writing, well directing, a show based on old sitcoms, that will also be a musical, I have commissioned Jeff and Chris to help me with the writing end of it, and its been on the backburner for a while now, I just need to pull it back out and work with it. I also need to take a week off work and finish up the Breakfast Club Musical I am writing. That has been a labor of love forever. I just need to f-ing do it.

Over at iO, I am suddenly having a ton of fun and doing a lot more there. It was a weird transition, where I went from being someone who wasn't sure how they fared over there to suddenly being embraced as someone they like. I am great with it because its more opportunity for me. My Harold team, Mrs. Dad, is as fun as it gets. Great great people, great great coach, and we do wonderfully silly enjoyable shows, that people are really starting to jive on. We have a great schedule this time around so I am very excited for that. We are finally downstairs for all our shows, and they are all at 8 on great nights, and we aren't opening anymore (well maybe once). Its a great step for the team and its great that we are being acknowledged. I am also coaching a team, The Rabble, and they are a delightful bunch. I really like them. They are all great improvisers who needed a good shaking. I have been pretty open with them and am trying to get them to figure out team before structure and I think its paying off. They were on the rocks but have been turning in solid shows, and have a great schedule this time with weekend shows and great slots, its so rewarding to see them happy and excited about their team again.
I am also doing a show with some Mrs. Dad people called Radical Concept, which is a fun silly midnight upstairs show. I have had to miss a bunch of them because of having to manage the pH theater, but when I can do it its fun.

So that's it for now. I am having a good improv run right now, so hopefully that lasts. I can't wait to get the ole leg fixed so I can do more, but for now, its going as well as can be expected.

Are you Fucking Kidding Me?

OK so ole Jason is a medical nightmare...well not as bad as he thought.

I have a horribly irrational fear of doctors, so I just don't go to them, its part of the reason I am so super healthy. :) But when the ole knee gave out I started having mortality issues and decided that it was time to get "healthy" or at least start making the steps to it.

I randomly searched through a gajillion doctors in my insurance group and found one close to home that was also an expert in men's nutrition and helping men get back in shape. Perfect. So I go to him...and I have to admit he is great. Really nice guy, isn't all about changing me and telling me what I have been doing wrong. His priority is to get my knee fixed so he can get me on a "fun walking" program. I like this. He doesn't lecture me about my eating habits, and even tells me he completely understands when I tell him I hate vegetables (a major deterrent in every diet I have tried). He had solutions for everything and was really really nice. He also did a bunch of bloodwork so he could get an overall picture of my health. Ugh.

So I spent a week really stressing over the results of these tests. I thought for sure I would have a.)High blood pressure, b.) high cholesterol and c.) diabetes. Seriously.

SO I get the test results back...blood pressure: 120/80 - perfectly normal. Hmmm. Cholesterol - average. Hmmm. Diabetes - Nope. Wow great! Testosterone - 0. What??? That's right kids, Jason's body has stopped producing testosterone for some reason. The doctor said it explained a ton...its why I am always tired and lethargic (that and the sleep apnea), why I have trouble with my metabolism, etc. Its apparently not an uncommon thing and happens to guys a lot (sure). So I have to go on this magical drug:

Androgel. That's right. Androgel. Like I am an androgynous person, or an android. You have to pump out this foul smelling gel and rub it on your chest and it supposedly transfers testosterone back into your body and jump starts your testosterone making factory. Here's some side effects: I might get boobs, blood in my urine, and depressed. Thanks Androgel! I have to get a blood test after a month to see if its doing the right things, otherwise its on to something else, or just not having babies. Androgel is also not to come in contact with my genitals, women or kittens. So there's that.

So I had a relatively clean bill of health and I am sexually obtuse. Yay.

So what about my knee? Well I'm glad you asked reader. BECAUSE I DON'T FUCKING KNOW! Ugh. I have been home from camp for the better part of 3 weeks now and I still walk like Verbal Kint (Usual Suspects reference). So I went to one leg surgeon who told me it was just a muscle tear and to walk it off. HAHAHAHA. So needless to say I went for another opinion, and got a referral from my doctor to another surgeon. I went to see this guy and waited 45 minutes past my appointment time to finally get in with him, but during that time I was delighted by the catty comic stylings of his bitchy staff. So I finally get to see him and he does X-rays and bends my leg to hell and back and tells me that I either have a torn or stretched ACL/MCL or a dislocated kneecap. He thinks its the kneecap and tells me to pray for that. He then asks how much pain I am in and I say "A LOT" so he gives me a prescription for Darvacet - I like this guy now. He also gives me a leg brace that is about 3 sizes too big - seriously its like for an elephant. I know I am a big guy but I have lovely legs not fat legs. So he tells me I have to schedule an MRI and to call Thorek Hospital to get it done, BUT before I can do that they have to get permission from my insurance company and they won't be able to do that for a day or two. So I wait. And wait. And wait. I finally call back and they tell me they lost my insurance and ID and can I fax them back over. I do. They finally call back a week and a half later and tell me they still haven't called my insurance because they can't read the number on the back of the card. So I tell them what it is and tell them to put me on hold and call. She jumps back on 20 minutes later and says I am approved and gives me the number to Thorek.

A word on Thorek: Is this a real place? Yes. Not only is it a mythical creature from Dungeons & Dragons, it is the most ghetto hospital I have ever seen or been to and its all mine. Just know that it is really run down and nobody who answers the phones speaks any english at all. At all. So I finally convince the operator that I am calling the right hospital and painfully describe to her what an MRI is and how I need one, and she finally says "Si, radiology" and puts me through. No no. Radiology is not answering or taking messages because their box is full. So I go back to the operator and tell her that ,so she gives me another number which apparently rings the radiology lab, and they tell me to stop calling there and hang up on me. After the better part of two days I finally get through (this experience felt eerily similar to when I was trying to get a Second City Touring Company audition slot). The woman on the other end asks me for a reference number from my leg doctor. I don't have this. I was never given this. I was told I didn't need this. Thorek says I do. They refuse to schedule my MRI until I get it.

So that's where I'm at today...trying to get a fucking number to schedule an "el MRI".

Thank god I don't have any testosterone, or I would rip someone's head off I'm sure.

Yay.

Birch Camp & Austin

So I have been travelling a lot this summer and the last of my travel was this past 10 days where I went to my annual summer camp Birch, and to the Austin Out of Bounds Improv Festival.

Birch Camp is a magical camp that serves families in the NYC area that are affected by the HIV/AIDS virus. The whole family get to come to camp and enjoy a week away from their problems, many of which are even more serious than HIV. I have been doing this camp since 1999 and it has become a huge part of my life. It has become even better in recent years because improv friends and my sister have joined me at camp, so others are starting to see what the deal is. This year at camp was particularly strange for me. First off, for the last 4 years I have played a character at camp called Frootie Patootie.

Behold:

She's a gem. It started because the girl who is usually the "star" of all the camp productions decided she was not coming back, but the story had already been written. So the people at camp knew I was a performer and had me do the roll. Well Frootie was an instant hit and became a campwide phenomenon, which was a huge surprise to all of us. For some reason a big fat man in a huge purple wedding dress and a yarn wig appealed to children of all ages, and counselors. Well I had been doing the character for 3 summers and this was to be her fourth. Some counselors and the head of the production had decided that Frootie should die off, so this years story was supposed to humiliate Frootie and get rid of her as a character and introduce the new franchise...Little Amish Andy. Now remember this is a camp for the kids...but so much drama, ha. I was actually fine with being cast aside, and actually had vowed to not put back on the Frootie outfit again. After being begged I went for it...a small part to explain that I would not be back at camp. Well on the first night the new characters were being introduced and you could hear commotion in the campers...so finally I stepped out as Frootie and the camp went nuts, I kid you not. It was like a really great standing O. I couldn't believe it. After the show, the producer was like "well we can't get rid of Frootie yet" so he kept writing me into the show in various parts...long story short, Frootie stole the show inadvertently and the camp fell in love with her all over again, prompting everyone at camp to admit that Frootie will not die and is more popular than ever and will return for a 4th installment next year (this year didn't count as a Frootie production, ha)...so Frootie's resume will include: Frootie Patootie and the Mystery of the Purple Orange, Frootie Patootie and the Potholder Mishap, Frootie Patootie and the Bandanarama Nightmare and next year's tentatively titled Frootie Patootie and the Red Hat Society.

Summer camp people. Summer camp.

So the other thing that happened, was on the first full day of camp with all the parents and kids, I volunteered to lead the camp in a song. The song is a lovely ditty about drinking Milk and goes... "Don't give me no pop, don't give me no tea, just give me that milk, moo moo moo moo that good ole milk, moo moo moo moo" and while you are mooing you milk someone's utters (which are of course their thumbs turned down to make utters). So I was about halfway through this song, when the most intense pain EVER went through my body and rendered me almost unconcious. My knee exploded, and it felt as if someone hit me in the knee with a basketball really hard. I collapsed. The entire camp laughed for about 10 seconds, until my sister and a few others realized I was really hurt. Immediately my camp friends made a ring around me and kept me safe from everyone crowding me. The camp doctor, who is a dear friend of mine (and fellow star of the Frootie series) helped me and slowly the pain went away, but the damage had been done.

I had fucked up my knee...bad.

It felt like it popped out of my leg and came back real quick. The doctor's prognosis was that it was either just a pop, or that I may have torn/snapped a ligament...and there is a remote possibility that it is my ACL. Who knows?? So I had to do the whole rest of camp on a gimpy leg, and with 8 kids running around, it wasn't easy. But it was a great time nonetheless and I wouldn't change it at all.

So when camp was over I flew home from NYC, only to have to immediately get in a mini van and drive 17 hours to Austin, TX. Not kidding. I got off the plane, went down to baggage claim, met Micah over at the car rental place, went back to my place changed some stuff out of the suitcase and came back and got in the van. And off we went. It wasn't bad because I had a whole bench to myself so could prop my leg up and such but it was really hard to get comfortable. We stopped at some of the most amazing places along the way and back...here are some of my favorites:

• Uncle Billy's Rubs and Sauces/Convenience Store and Gas Station - HIGHLIGHT: The FUCK OBAMA scrawled into the bathroom walls, and my interaction with who I assume is Uncle Billy... Me: "Did you really make all these rubs and sauces", Billy: "Yup". Amazing.

• Truck Stop in Arkadelphia, Ark. - HIGHLIGHT: Our waitress (name escapes me) would not leave us alone and loved that we was city folk. Told us about her 6 kids, one of which is named Drexander, after Vin Diesel's character Xander in XXX (she wanted to just name him Xander, or Vin Diesel but the husband wouldn't allow it), and we also learned that her husband had another family somewhere else in Arkansas so she got out of the marriage. What?

• Random Truck Stop - HIGHLIGHT: Sally and Aggie running out of the store screaming like banshees because Aggie had kicked a huge cockroach.

• Flying J Truck Stop Texas - HIGHLIGHT: Manager Jose who would not leave us alone and hovered over our table a good portion of our time there, his sage wisdom included that Aggie is too young, Sally is a woman, Micah is the leader of the wolfpack and that the key to comedy is finding out what is making a town or person miserable and making fun of it. We also had a waitress named Duck that was a pure delight. Seriously.

• Boomland - HIGHLIGHT: All of it. Boomland is 1/3 fireworks and explosives warehouse, 1/3 cafeteria style eatery, and 1/3 swap meet. Holy shit. This was the hardest I laughed in a long time. I walked around most of Boomland in a coon-skin cap I found. There were t-shirts that said things like CHRIST instead of Crush (but looked like the logo) and Jesus Peanut Butter Cups (looking like Reese's Cups). Also a ton of cedar boxes, ceramic wolves and the most amazing lamps known to man.

We got to Austin to discover our Motel 6 was also the hangout for the crack dealers of outer-Austin. So we moved a mile down the road to a much "nicer" Motel 6 - complete with pool! Within an hour, Sally was accosted by a man and his pit bull in a hallway and a woman on a bike approached Micah for some money to get meth. This is the kind of hotel that has warnings on the inside of the door to lock yourself in securely at night for your own safety, AND a police officer that prowls the grounds making sure nothing goes down. Awesome. Its important to note my bathroom towel had a hole in it, and what looked like old blood stains and boogers on it.

My leg is still fucked up.

The show was great. One of our old cast members that now lives in Austin sat in with us and it was a blast. I won the pHrenzy show and had a pretty good show despite my mobility issues.

The highlight of the trip though has to have been when Sally and I went to Schlitterbahn Water Park, only the world's best water park as rated by like every travel channel...no big deal. Even with my gimp leg I was determined to do this. We went later so it was cheaper and rode the following:

The Master Blaster! Only the only waterslide in the world that shoots you UP hills too. What? Yes that's right.

The Black Knight. Two people, one tube, no light. Sally screaming. Amazing.

Both of those rides were on Castle Blastenhoff, no big deal...CASTLE BLASTENHOFF!!!

We then sped over to Schlitterbahn West (we decided to skip Surfenberg) and rode about 4 different amazing tube rides:

We ended our trip by going to an amazing toy store called Toy Joy, which literally was a big store of weird wonderful things. I got a mini Gumby and Pokey, a card game called Ick, a lamp with a spinning lampshade that shows fish swimming and this guy:

His name is Pox and he's a Monskey. I am addicted to these now and will start collecting them! Aren't they cool? They even have design contests to design your own Monskey. I will be submitting a pH themed one shortly. I'll show you what it looks like when I'm done.


Well that was my exciting last weeks of vacation, today was back to work and rehearsals as normal, but I am sure there will be more.

Stay tuned for my leg update, Monskeys and me generally trying to keep up a blog again. Ha.

I must go, my cats are eating each other.

Holy Crap Look What I Found.

Hello anxiously awaiting public...I seemingly found my old blog, simply by posting on Tristan's blog. Wonderous!

Maybe I'll start this up again. I have stories to tell for god's sakes.

Yes I think I shall.

But for now, you'll have to wait, I am off to bed.

What a blog!

Grumpy Poopy Day

I am officially grumpy today.

I got no sleep last night, our toilet won't flush now and speaking of toilets...the men's room at this ad agency is a fucking nightmare. The guys on this floor apparently were raised by apes. They don't flush, they don't wash their hands, they leave newspapers everywhere, and the floor is always soaking wet. WHY IS IT WET?

My cab got in an accident on the way to work today. Fender bender, I am pretty sure I have whiplash now.

Masturbator Guy next to me is in full force with his girlfriend...they're going to buy a puppy...that costs $600!

I wanted a Chai Tea Latte this morning to help with my sleepiness...but the line was too long, so I went back down at 10:30...IT WAS LONGER. The cafeteria and vending machines are out of Mountain Dew.

Today is fucked.