Birch Camp is a magical camp that serves families in the NYC area that are affected by the HIV/AIDS virus. The whole family get to come to camp and enjoy a week away from their problems, many of which are even more serious than HIV. I have been doing this camp since 1999 and it has become a huge part of my life. It has become even better in recent years because improv friends and my sister have joined me at camp, so others are starting to see what the deal is. This year at camp was particularly strange for me. First off, for the last 4 years I have played a character at camp called Frootie Patootie.
Behold:
She's a gem. It started because the girl who is usually the "star" of all the camp productions decided she was not coming back, but the story had already been written. So the people at camp knew I was a performer and had me do the roll. Well Frootie was an instant hit and became a campwide phenomenon, which was a huge surprise to all of us. For some reason a big fat man in a huge purple wedding dress and a yarn wig appealed to children of all ages, and counselors. Well I had been doing the character for 3 summers and this was to be her fourth. Some counselors and the head of the production had decided that Frootie should die off, so this years story was supposed to humiliate Frootie and get rid of her as a character and introduce the new franchise...Little Amish Andy. Now remember this is a camp for the kids...but so much drama, ha. I was actually fine with being cast aside, and actually had vowed to not put back on the Frootie outfit again. After being begged I went for it...a small part to explain that I would not be back at camp. Well on the first night the new characters were being introduced and you could hear commotion in the campers...so finally I stepped out as Frootie and the camp went nuts, I kid you not. It was like a really great standing O. I couldn't believe it. After the show, the producer was like "well we can't get rid of Frootie yet" so he kept writing me into the show in various parts...long story short, Frootie stole the show inadvertently and the camp fell in love with her all over again, prompting everyone at camp to admit that Frootie will not die and is more popular than ever and will return for a 4th installment next year (this year didn't count as a Frootie production, ha)...so Frootie's resume will include: Frootie Patootie and the Mystery of the Purple Orange, Frootie Patootie and the Potholder Mishap, Frootie Patootie and the Bandanarama Nightmare and next year's tentatively titled Frootie Patootie and the Red Hat Society.
Summer camp people. Summer camp.
So the other thing that happened, was on the first full day of camp with all the parents and kids, I volunteered to lead the camp in a song. The song is a lovely ditty about drinking Milk and goes... "Don't give me no pop, don't give me no tea, just give me that milk, moo moo moo moo that good ole milk, moo moo moo moo" and while you are mooing you milk someone's utters (which are of course their thumbs turned down to make utters). So I was about halfway through this song, when the most intense pain EVER went through my body and rendered me almost unconcious. My knee exploded, and it felt as if someone hit me in the knee with a basketball really hard. I collapsed. The entire camp laughed for about 10 seconds, until my sister and a few others realized I was really hurt. Immediately my camp friends made a ring around me and kept me safe from everyone crowding me. The camp doctor, who is a dear friend of mine (and fellow star of the Frootie series) helped me and slowly the pain went away, but the damage had been done.
I had fucked up my knee...bad.
It felt like it popped out of my leg and came back real quick. The doctor's prognosis was that it was either just a pop, or that I may have torn/snapped a ligament...and there is a remote possibility that it is my ACL. Who knows?? So I had to do the whole rest of camp on a gimpy leg, and with 8 kids running around, it wasn't easy. But it was a great time nonetheless and I wouldn't change it at all.
So when camp was over I flew home from NYC, only to have to immediately get in a mini van and drive 17 hours to Austin, TX. Not kidding. I got off the plane, went down to baggage claim, met Micah over at the car rental place, went back to my place changed some stuff out of the suitcase and came back and got in the van. And off we went. It wasn't bad because I had a whole bench to myself so could prop my leg up and such but it was really hard to get comfortable. We stopped at some of the most amazing places along the way and back...here are some of my favorites:
• Uncle Billy's Rubs and Sauces/Convenience Store and Gas Station - HIGHLIGHT: The FUCK OBAMA scrawled into the bathroom walls, and my interaction with who I assume is Uncle Billy... Me: "Did you really make all these rubs and sauces", Billy: "Yup". Amazing.
• Truck Stop in Arkadelphia, Ark. - HIGHLIGHT: Our waitress (name escapes me) would not leave us alone and loved that we was city folk. Told us about her 6 kids, one of which is named Drexander, after Vin Diesel's character Xander in XXX (she wanted to just name him Xander, or Vin Diesel but the husband wouldn't allow it), and we also learned that her husband had another family somewhere else in Arkansas so she got out of the marriage. What?
• Random Truck Stop - HIGHLIGHT: Sally and Aggie running out of the store screaming like banshees because Aggie had kicked a huge cockroach.
• Flying J Truck Stop Texas - HIGHLIGHT: Manager Jose who would not leave us alone and hovered over our table a good portion of our time there, his sage wisdom included that Aggie is too young, Sally is a woman, Micah is the leader of the wolfpack and that the key to comedy is finding out what is making a town or person miserable and making fun of it. We also had a waitress named Duck that was a pure delight. Seriously.
• Boomland - HIGHLIGHT: All of it. Boomland is 1/3 fireworks and explosives warehouse, 1/3 cafeteria style eatery, and 1/3 swap meet. Holy shit. This was the hardest I laughed in a long time. I walked around most of Boomland in a coon-skin cap I found. There were t-shirts that said things like CHRIST instead of Crush (but looked like the logo) and Jesus Peanut Butter Cups (looking like Reese's Cups). Also a ton of cedar boxes, ceramic wolves and the most amazing lamps known to man.
We got to Austin to discover our Motel 6 was also the hangout for the crack dealers of outer-Austin. So we moved a mile down the road to a much "nicer" Motel 6 - complete with pool! Within an hour, Sally was accosted by a man and his pit bull in a hallway and a woman on a bike approached Micah for some money to get meth. This is the kind of hotel that has warnings on the inside of the door to lock yourself in securely at night for your own safety, AND a police officer that prowls the grounds making sure nothing goes down. Awesome. Its important to note my bathroom towel had a hole in it, and what looked like old blood stains and boogers on it.
My leg is still fucked up.
The show was great. One of our old cast members that now lives in Austin sat in with us and it was a blast. I won the pHrenzy show and had a pretty good show despite my mobility issues.
The highlight of the trip though has to have been when Sally and I went to Schlitterbahn Water Park, only the world's best water park as rated by like every travel channel...no big deal. Even with my gimp leg I was determined to do this. We went later so it was cheaper and rode the following:
The Master Blaster! Only the only waterslide in the world that shoots you UP hills too. What? Yes that's right.
The Black Knight. Two people, one tube, no light. Sally screaming. Amazing.Both of those rides were on Castle Blastenhoff, no big deal...CASTLE BLASTENHOFF!!!
We then sped over to Schlitterbahn West (we decided to skip Surfenberg) and rode about 4 different amazing tube rides:
We ended our trip by going to an amazing toy store called Toy Joy, which literally was a big store of weird wonderful things. I got a mini Gumby and Pokey, a card game called Ick, a lamp with a spinning lampshade that shows fish swimming and this guy:
His name is Pox and he's a Monskey. I am addicted to these now and will start collecting them! Aren't they cool? They even have design contests to design your own Monskey. I will be submitting a pH themed one shortly. I'll show you what it looks like when I'm done.
Well that was my exciting last weeks of vacation, today was back to work and rehearsals as normal, but I am sure there will be more.
Stay tuned for my leg update, Monskeys and me generally trying to keep up a blog again. Ha.
I must go, my cats are eating each other.
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